{"id":21929,"date":"2021-03-30T13:17:36","date_gmt":"2021-03-30T20:17:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/greaternw.org\/news\/?p=21929"},"modified":"2021-03-30T13:35:29","modified_gmt":"2021-03-30T20:35:29","slug":"gratitude-should-be-transformative-not-transactional","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greaternw.org\/news\/gratitude-should-be-transformative-not-transactional\/","title":{"rendered":"Gratitude should be transformative, not transactional"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Rev. Paul Graves<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Please excuse my \u201chumble brag\u201d today. It was March 1996 that I first started writing Faith & Values columns for The Spokesman-Review.<\/a> Beside thanking her for the opportunity, I remember telling my editor I would be very pleased to last a year before readers stopped reading my thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next month, I will begin my 26th year wandering the faith-and-values landscape. This longevity is both a shock to me and a source of serious gratitude. So please indulge my thoughts about \u201cgratitude\u201d today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When our now 21-year-old granddaughter, Claire, was 21 months old, we were visiting her and her family in Albany, Oregon. That Sunday, we attended worship with them. Prior to the offering plate being passed, our son gave Claire and her older sister, Katie, some money they could put in as their gifts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the plate came to Claire, she dropped her dollar bill in and said, \u201cThank you.\u201d I was actually stunned. I had never, ever, heard anyone say \u201cthank you\u201d as the offering plate came drifting by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, I must admit that 21-month-old Claire had few words that were yet recognizable. And she frequently repeated those few words. \u201cThank you\u201d was one of her phrases. She said it a lot, and not always as a \u201ccorrect\u201d response.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But don\u2019t dismiss Claire\u2019s wisdom. We might easily dismiss her toddler words. Let\u2019s not miss Claire\u2019s innocent attitude of gratitude that revealed her intuitive understanding of what God intends life to be like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I reflect on the wonderful experience of column-writing these 25 years, I hope my genuine gratitude for the opportunity somehow models that intuitive sense of God\u2019s grace-infused life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, I\u2019m aware that cultural manners are tainted by a transactional gratitude that dilutes the gratitude that can transform us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did you ever consider that \u201cgratitude\u201d and \u201cgrace\u201d come from the same root word? Gratia in Latin and kharis in Greek. Diana Butler Bass taught me that in her 2018 book \u201cGrateful.\u201d Its basis has to do with \u201cundeserved favor,\u201d a gift with no expectation of a return gift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To quote Bass: \u201cBecause you can neither earn nor pay back the gift, your heart fills with gratitude. And the power of that emotion transforms the way you see the world and experience life.\u201d For 27 years, I\u2019ve called that God\u2019s Radical Hospitality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She also reminded me that much of what we historically express as gratitude is based on a transactional attitude. Often, our expectation of gratitude is based not on grace, but on social manners and obligations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When gratitude implies \u201cI owe you something,\u201d there is an unspoken social imbalance. The next time you express socially polite thanks to someone, I ask you to be mindful of why you\u2019ve expressed gratitude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unthinkingly, our impulse may be to think we\u2019re exchanging some kind of \u201cgoods.\u201d A thank you completes the deal, the transaction. That can be felt as an exchange between benefactor and beneficiary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But transformational gratitude is essentially an exchange between people who honor their mutual reliance on each other. Again Bass: \u201cTo be human is to rely on others.\u201d That honest awareness can change everything!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our gifts to one another need not be commodities we offer each other. Rather, the gifts we share are \u201cjust because\u201d offerings, no strings attached. They may be as simple as a piece of pie offered to a neighbor. Or as profound as sitting at the bedside of a sick or dying friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Transactional gratitude is all around us, and in us, when we can exchange thanks on a more superficial basis. Transformational gratitude invites us to experience God\u2019s grace in ever-new ways!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

The Rev. Paul Graves<\/strong> serves as the chair for the Council on Older Adult Ministries for the Pacific Northwest Conference of The United Methodist Church.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In this month’s post, Rev. Paul Graves considers how the act of gratitude can lose its impact when it is reduced to being a transactional act. 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