I\u2019ve always had a stoic side to my personality. Sentimentality given or received has often been uncomfortable. Yet I\u2019m much more emotionally demonstrative than I used to be. Our grandchildren have had a lot to do with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But expressing anything \u201creligious\u201d in a demonstrative way continues to be a struggle. (Does that seem strange for a pastor to admit?) I\u2019m inwardly suspect of RDAs (religious displays of affection), too quickly dismissing such displays as people trying too hard to be joyous or pious. Or condescending toward people who aren\u2019t like they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recently, I listened to a friend who feels conflicted by his church tradition, and people in those traditions, because he can\u2019t accept the \u201chellfire and brimstone\u201d part of that tradition. But it\u2019s ingrained in him, and he can\u2019t seem to escape its lifelong grasp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My friend needs a friend to walk with him through this tough part of his spiritual journey. I hope to be one of his friends in this time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His struggle has been on my mind as I reread \u201cFriend,\u201d a thoughtful chapter in Diana Butler Bass\u2019s newest book, \u201cFreeing Jesus: Rediscovering Jesus as Friend, Teacher, Savior, Lord, Way and Presence.\u201d For years, I\u2019ve pushed back on exclusive \u201cJesus and Me\u201d attitudes, like Jesus-is-mine-and-mine-alone. It smacks of religious manipulation, something I reject.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Diana\u2019s understanding of friendship, particularly the kind she declares she has with Jesus, dilutes my judgment to where I can refresh my understanding of Jesus \u2013 and of friendship. Being a friend, having a friend, has always been so important to me. Seeing more of the biblical understanding of friendship shines new light onto my shadow-side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Friendship with Jesus actually begins with friendship with God. But it isn\u2019t a toxic transactional friendship, based on what God will do for me if I do what God wants me to do. The biblical covenants God made with people were not based on what they did. They relied on who God was! And still is today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFriendship with God is not a biblical side story; rather, it is central to the promises and faithfulness of being a called people, in which all are friends, companions, intimates, siblings, and beloved,\u201d Bass writes. This is usually missing in the distortions and toxic atmospheres too many churches and religious traditions create to keep control of their people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Transactional friendships are often beneficial. But manipulation and control make for toxic \u201cfriendships.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you read your Bible, do you see only tit-for-tat friendships or a punishing God who pounces if you don\u2019t abide by moralistic conditions? If so, you\u2019re reading a selected-verses version of scripture that reduces your vision of God and the world God created.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the biblical story of Creation in Genesis, we see a God who is looking for friendship. So God creates a world, including companions we call Adam and Eve. Perhaps that relationship was like one writer observed: \u201cA friend is someone fun to play with \u2013 and someone you can trust.\u201d Can you see that in Eden? If not, please look again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From Creation through Jesus and the early church, biblical friendships moved beyond transaction into the transforming power of friendship. They still happen today, both in and out of the institutional church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In John 15:12-15, Jesus declared that God\u2019s love, like his disciples experienced it through him, is the basis for his calling them friends. That love isn\u2019t a condition of friendship. It\u2019s an invitation to be a friend and to give your friendship to another person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Transformative friends don\u2019t let transactional friends manipulate them. They invite those friends to be transformed too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Rev. Paul Graves<\/strong> serves as the chair for the Council on Older Adult Ministries for the Pacific Northwest Conference of The United Methodist Church.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Rev. Paul Graves offers some thoughtful consideration of friendship, particularly as it relates to questions of faith. As he does, Graves finds some wisdom in a book from Diana Butler Bass, informing a healthy understanding of friendship with God and others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":22630,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85,73,16],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-22629","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-conversation","8":"category-older-adult-ministries","9":"category-pacific-northwest-conference"},"yoast_head":"\n